562 Quotes by Jarod Kintz

Most fools drink after one another, from a thinking cup that is empty. But I only drink after people whose cups are filled with a fluid to fascination ratio of nearly 1:1.

She brews a bruise on my heart, and drinks it like a beer. She calls it love, but she would, because she’s drunk on my torment.

Whenever I see a gorgeous woman, I think, Who is that tall drink of water, and how come I’m suddenly thirsty?

I am restless when I rest. I sleep like I’m engaged in an invisible wrestling match. Naturally, I almost always win.

You tell me you love me, but I’m not sure you know what love is, or how fast it flies, or how much it resembles a UFO, or what kind of weapon you’d use to shoot it down.

I want to merge a Phoenix with a Camel to create the world’s first everlasting cigarette. It’ll be a cigarette that rises from its own ashes, so you can keep smoking it indefinitely.

Love is the jelly to sunshine’s peanut butter. And if I tell you that I’m in sandwich with you, I’m not just saying it to get in your Ziploc bag.

If I have to beat you up to keep you safe, that’s just what I’ll do. It’s this kind of regard for others that makes me believe I’d be a good politician.

I didn’t tackle him. I gave him a flying hug. Sometimes love is up in the air until it hits you.