562 Quotes by Jarod Kintz

I am the Love Ventriloquist. And if you say I’m not, I’ll say it so it sounds like you said I am.

I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair.

When I go off the grid, my main source of light will be fireflies. Oh, and the glow that will come from the epic love poem I am writing for you.

I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don’t want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot. That’s why I’m constantly either rolling my eyes or yawning.

In flew influence, and out fluttered humility. Be like a butterfly and a flower – beautiful and sought after, yet unassuming and gentle.

If you work in a hospital, you can’t easily fake call in sick to work. Oh, you’re sick? Well why don’t you come in to work and we’ll have a look at it.

I’m always the last in love by exactly one person.

Dogs have four legs, just like chairs. I would take mine for a walk, but I’m sitting on it.

I’ll give you a deal on the meat, cheese, rice, beans, tomatoes, and sour cream, but I’ll jack up the price of burritos and tacos. That’s also how I love.