562 Quotes by Jarod Kintz

Love is a tomato. And while it’s true that I can live without a tomato, I could sure go for some ketchup.

If we all had an additional twelve hours a day, think of how far mankind could advance in just a year! That’s exactly what I’d be thinking about while I was sleeping twenty hours a day.

The girl who did my oil change was so sexy that after she was done, I drove nonstop 2500 miles one way, just so I could immediately turn around and drive back with a reason to see her again.

Love one person at a time, that’s the motto I’ll try to get my clones to live by.

I am the dinosaur of love. Specifically, I am a pterodactyl, and you are my silent “p.” Stay quiet woman!

Nothing in this world feels quite like freedom, except for freedom. And nothing in the world tastes quite like freedom, except for fried bald eagles.

I had some Mexican for dinner. Who knew cannibalism could be so tasty?

If writers write, then rangers range. And I’d like to wake up every morning and be a mother, so I could eat my own clothes.

A tennis racket is a trampoline for a tennis ball. My favorite score is love-all, because that’s the right thing to do as a Christian and an Overpopulationist.