562 Quotes by Jarod Kintz

Strangers sometimes call me Mr. Kintz, and I don’t mind. But I would if I were a hermaphrodite. Then I’d probably want to be called Mr. and Mrs. Kintz.

We had a blast at my magical birthday party. There were midgets, fairies, glass slippers, and I actually got to ride in a pumpkin.

A stick won’t stick to a wall, so why is it called a stick? Likewise, why aren’t love and ghost the same word? Both are dead and invisible.

I ate a pound cake today, but I gained two.

Love waits patiently. In the lobby. I’ll be with you as soon as I can.

I am the archaeologist of love. I’m digging for the bones of a loved one I shot and buried decades ago.

We can’t be lovers because we both have mustaches. But since you’re a lady, and I’m a gentleman, I’ll shave mine off.

No matter how much water a sink takes on, it never lives up to its name. The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink.

I am my own love story. And I want to tell my love story, from the inside. Just add water and stir.