562 Quotes by Jarod Kintz

The sun would be better than a flashlight, except it doesn't work at night. It probably needs to recharge its batteries from running all day.

The American Dream is to not have to work, so with unemployment at record levels, you'd think more people would be excited and grateful for the government intervention that got us to this glorious economic point.

My drug of choice is love. Sure, I've tried other drugs, but no other drug gets both the dealer and user high from every transaction.

It's always sunny in the Sunshine State. Except for at night.

My love for you is like a Florida sunset. Orange, coral, pink, and lavender, it exists to warm your heart through the inevitable darkness.

With my last breath, I'll exhale my love for you. I hope it's a cold day, so you can see what you meant to me.

I don't understand people who don't touch their pets. Their cat or dog is called a pet for a reason.

Cats are like walking brooms you can actually comfortably cuddle with.

Obesity isn't as cool as it used to be, back in the earlier centuries. Before it was a reflection on your gross income, and now it's just gross.