562 Quotes by Jarod Kintz

Free time is the most expensive time you have because nobody pays for it but you. But that also makes it the most valuable time you have, as you alone stand to reap the profits from spending it wisely.

I poured a compass into my coffee, to give the flavor some direction.

A sister should set her brother up with one of her friends, unless her only friend is her sister.

The ability to gauge intelligence is itself a form of intelligence. Monkeys don't ponder how smart monkeys are. Ditto for politicians.

The first door in the hall leads to youth, the second door leads to middle age, and the third door leads to the bathroom. But knock first, because I think grandpa’s in there.

Doors open up for you when you work hard. Doors also open up for you when you walk with a limp and act gimpy.

I hate when I dream of alarm clocks going off.

Things aren't often what they appear to be at first blush. But embarrassment is.

For our first date we went Dutch. We would have gone another nationality, but they are the tallest.