562 Quotes by Jarod Kintz

At first sign of crisis, the ignorant don't panic because they don't know what's going on, and then later they panic precisely because they don't know what's going on.

I’m wearing shoes made of sea foam, and I am here to seduce the elderly. If you brought the geriatrics, then I brought the jellyfish.

The most deadly combination known to man is low IQ and high testosterone.

Too much nudity is a turn off. Especially if all that flesh is on one person.

The price of gold is up 14 fold since last time I tried unfolding it. And laundry has declined two folds.

Gather the wheelchairs in a circle, and then summon the cripples. Would anybody care for a glass of discrimination

Faith: a device of the mind, fed by the soul, that functions like crutches to a man in a wheelchair.

In high school, I got voted most likely to get voted for something. Even though I was the only one who voted, it still felt terrific being nominated.

In the lobby of every business incubator there needs to be a bathtub, to get the ideas flowing. But to make it functional, it needs to be used as a fish tank.