562 Quotes by Jarod Kintz

I think the best time to stare off into space is when you’re going 65 on a motorcycle, provided you’re wearing your astronaut’s helmet.

I am a master of logic and a powerfully convincing debater. In fact, against my better judgment, I can talk myself out of doing anything.

People always ask me if I’m into sports, and I say, “Well, isn’t writing a sport? If you’re doing it right, and you have a deadline, you should be sweating.”?

One thing I often get carried away with is piggyback rides.

I want a shower the size of the Sydney Opera House, because you know damn well I sing in the shower. And I might as well make millions off my cleanliness.

I can tell if two people are in love by how they hold each other’s hands, and how thick their sanitation gloves are.

I’m trying to translate what my cat says and put it in a book, but how many homonyms are there for meow?

You know you’re in love when you reach out to hold your woman’s hand, without remembering that her hands are full because you insisted she carry all the groceries out to the car.

Politically, Republicans and Democrats are at opposite ends. One’s a burp and the other’s a fart.