562 Quotes by Jarod Kintz

Flowers and fear are a lot alike. For one, flowers and fear have a distinct smell, and two, I’m currently trying to grow both in my garden.

I hate fake people. You know what I’m talking about. Mannequins.

I smiled, and you winked. I think. Perhaps you merely blink with one eye at a time.

If you were to ask me the best time of day to fall in love, I’d say, “Now.” But you’d also have to remember to factor in the fact that my watch is eleven minutes fast.

Sometimes no words come as a response, only shapes spring to mind. But after you tell me you love me, I can’t very well reply, “Hexagon!

If sex were shoes, I’d wear you out. But I wouldn’t wear you out in public.

Bring on hyperinflation! I want to be a millionaire with minimal work.

I want to end global hunger by feeding half the world’s starving people to the other half.

I cried so hard after I put my cat to sleep. I guess I shouldn’t have cried so hard, because with all my sobbing, I ended up waking it up.