56 Quotes by Jay London

I'm on performance enhancing drugs, so I may cause drowsiness.

I wanted to take up music, so my father bought me a blunt instrument. He told me to knock myself out.

My girlfriend bought me a down jacket, she said it fit my personality.

I went to the doctor and he said I had acute appendicitis, and I said compared to who?

After all these years I had the privilege of naming my private part, cause we have nicknames. So I named my private part pride... it's not much but at least I have my pride.

I went out with a promiscuous impressionist. She did everybody.

I'm convinced my cockroaches have military training, I set off a roach bomb - they diffused it.

My girlfriend has crabs, I bought her fishnet stockings.

I went to a record store and asked for 50 cent. They kicked me out for pan-handling.