23 Quotes by Jeanne Safer

One of my teachers at the psychoanalytic institute where I trained used to say, only half humorously, that ‘the most important prerequisite for a vocation as a psychotherapist is a depressed mother’; based on my history, I think that a suffering but inaccessible father and a damaged sibling should be added to the list of qualifications.

I said it grieved me to part from anything that mattered to me, yet I welcomed the grief because it meant I had felt deeply and needed to express it. ‘I even had trouble leaving the Parthenon,’ I told him... ’because it was so beautiful and I knew I’d never see it again.

There is no life without regrets. Every important choice has its benefits and its deficits, whether or not people admit it or even recognize the fact: no mother has the radical, lifelong freedom that is essential for my happiness. I will never know the intimacy with, or have the impact on, a child that a mother has. Losses, including the loss of future possibilities, are inevitable in life; nobody has it all.

I don’t really want to have a baby; I want to want to have a baby.” I longed to feel like everybody else, but I had to face the fact that I did not.

Even though it inspires some of the world’s greatest literature, music, and art, obsessive love is one of the most potent and compelling of tortures and one of the most difficult to overcome – especially because it feels beyond conscious control. Tormented lovers try the patience even of those who truly love them, because they sufferers do not desire help extricating themselves though they claim to be seeking it; this is an illness from which no one wants to be cured.