85 Quotes by Jeff Dunham

Jose: Do not drop me senorJeff:i wont drop you,joseJose:then i be jose jalapeno on the floorPeanut:do a little tap dance and we got salsa!Jeff:Thats terrible!Peanut:not with the right chips its notJeff:stop it! im sorry josejose:its okayjeff: okayJose:ill kick his ass laterpeanut:i'll turn ur ass into guacamolejeff: stop it!peanut: i will stir u with ur own stick!jeff:stop it!peanut: this is the way we stir the guac stir the guac stir the guac. OLE!!

Jeff- "A Hanukkah tradition is making potato pancakes. For something a little different, use a sweet potato. Anything you'd like to add, Walter?"Walter- "Accept Jesus as your Savior or you'll burn in Hell for all eternity.

Achmed 'Two Jews walk into a bar'No no no no no' JeffYou don't let Jews in your bar? You racist bastard' Achmed"-Achmed the dead terrorist and Jeff

Jeff: You know most people who've had near death experiances say they say a white light. What did you see?Akmed: I saw flying car parts!Jeff: What was the last thing that went through your mind?Akmed: My ass. But I saw a blue Prius! Is it true you have one of those? Did you know that if your driving down the highway in a Prius and you stick your hand out the window the car will turn?!

Oh, so how did the marrige counsling go?Well let's just say after it was over there where two people who thought I was an ass. And i was paying both of 'um.

Jef-f, Dun-Ham, dot com!!

Silence! I kill you!

If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?

I always try and do everything I can to the best of my abilities, single aspect has to be perfect.