169 Quotes by Jeff Kinney

And at least 95% of it was was totally outdated.

Rodrick’s punishment was that he had to answer a bunch of questions Mom wrote out for him. Did owning this magazine make you a better person? No. Did it make you more popular at school? No. How do you feel about having owned this type of magazine now? I feel ashamed. Do you have anything you want to say to women for having owned this offensive magazine? I’m sorry women.

This morning he told everyone that he’s a “big boy” and he’s giving up his pacifier for good. Then he threw his favorite binkie in the trash. Clap clap Clap clap Well, that New Year’s resolution didn’t even last a full minute. suck suck suck The only person in my family who didn’t come up with a resolution is my older brother, Rodrick, and that’s a pity because his list should be about a mile and a half long.

YO MOMMA.

I’ll tell you who has a lot of money, and that’s Manny. I mean, that kid is RICH. A few weeks ago Mom and Dad told Manny they’d give him a quarter for every time he uses the potty without being asked. So now he carries around a gallon of water with him at all times.

First of all, let me get this straight: This is a JOURNAL, not a diary. I know what it says on the cover, but when Mom went out to buy this thing I SPECIFICALLY told her to get one that didn’t say ‘diary’ on it.

You can’t expect everyone to have the same dedication as you.

But do I have “low intelligence”?

I’m having a seriously hard time getting used to the fact that summer is over and I have to get out of bed every morning to go to school.