169 Quotes by Jeff Kinney

Dear Aunt Loretta, Thank you so much for the awesome pants! How did you know I wanted that for Christmas? I love the way the pants look on my legs! All my friends will be so jealous that I have my very own pants. Thank you for making this the best Christmas ever! Sincerely, Greg.

The only reason I get out of bed at all on weekends is because eventually I can’t stand the taste of my own breath any more.

It’s not easy to writing thank-you notes for the stuff you didn’t want in the first place.

If there’s one thing I learned from Rodrick, it’s to set people’s expectations real low so you end up surprising them by practically doing nothing at all.

Monkeys can’t talk, stupid!

I don’t know what a guy needs to do to impress a girl these days.

Chirag: Rowley, do you think I exist? Rowley: Nope! I can’t even hear you or see you!

During the winter, me and Rowley stored up some snowballs in my freezer so we could have a snowball fight when the weather got warm.

So if you want to find somebody to blame for the way i am, I guess you’d have to start with the public education system.