169 Quotes by Jeff Kinney

Most people don’t seem to appreciate a person as honest as me. So don’t ask me how George Washington ever got to be president.

So I’ve started wearing sweatpants to bed because I really don’t need Santa seeing me in my underwear.

I’ve seen a lot of movies where a kid my age finds out he’s got magical powers and then gets invited to go away to some special school. Well, if I’ve got an invitation coming, now would be the perfect time to get it.

See, that’s the problem with putting too much stock in the old days. You remember all the GOOD stuff, but you forget about the time you got spanked by your best friend’s mom.

Whenever you go with the cheaper option, you end up regretting it.

Let me just say for the record that I think middle school is the dumbest idea ever invented. You got kids like me who haven’t hit growth spurt yet mixed in with these gorillas who need to shave twice a day.

Well, for starters, Abraham Lincoln didn’t write ‘To Kill a Mockingbird.

I’m not really sure what makes a book a ‘classic’ to begin with, but I think it has to be at least fifty years old and some person or animal has to die at the end.

See, when you’re a little kid, nobody ever warns you that you’ve got an expiration date. One day you’re hot stuff and the next day you’re a dirt sandwich.