19 Quotes by Jeff Strand

Okay, obviously I didn’t die or I wouldn’t be able to relate this tender little narrative. Unless, of course, I’m a ghost, writing these words through an Ouija board. That would be pretty cool, but also incredibly time consuming, and the human I was channeling through would probably try to steal all the credit.

I’m a liar, but this is the truth. I.

This is a really lame exchange of hidden messages.

Fishing poles. The weapon of choice for the traveler in distress. We also had lots and lots of marshmallows. Maybe we could immobilize these guys with sticky gooey goodness.

The gods were not, in fact, smiling upon me. I at least hoped they weren’t laughing at me.

If Raiders of the Lost Ark taught us anything, it’s that you don’t swing your sword at somebody who has a gun.

Pregnant women shouldn’t be lifting dead bodies.

The alarm went off at the unholy hour of five-fifteen. I got up off the couch, staggered around for a moment wondering what planet I was currently residing on, then used Roger’s shower. The soap didn’t jolt me into a state of euphoric alertness like the commercials said it would, but I felt a bit more human.

Yes, somehow I’d reached the point of mental instability where I was making up excuses to justify my actions to my own brain.