8 Quotes by Jeff VanVonderen

Parents know all about the verses related to how children should behave but not so much about those that remind them about how they should behave.

I cannot make my kids obey. But I can control my responses to their disobedience—that is, I can respect their choices and provide wise consequences for their actions, so they can learn just as much about wisdom from disobeying as from obeying. And I can respond in ways that create an environment in which their poor choices are their problem.

Your children should not have to act appropriately so that you can feel like a valuable person. It is not their job to validate you or erase past relationship indictments against you with their performance. In a healthy Christian family children are not there for the adults, adults are there to be resources for their children.

The wife's list, no matter how long or short, communicates to the husband, "I don't like you. I don't accept you. But if you perform the way I think you should, then I will like and accept you." And no matter how long the husband's list may be, it says in like manner to his wife, "I don't like you either. But if you stop caring about things so much, if you stop feeling the way you feel and noticing the things you notice, then I will accept and like you.

God simply revealed the self-centered core that began to motivate each of them: The woman would continue to try to draw life and nurturing from a man who was not capable of filling these deep needs—never was and never will be. And the man would be forever trying to rule over the woman, either aggressively or passively trying to keep her quiet about his inadequacy to fill her needs.

The truth is never the problem; The problem is always the problem.

When you get so tired that you realize you cannot generate righteousness, come on back and I’ll tell you about a gift.

The wife’s list, no matter how long or short, communicates to the husband, “I don’t like you. I don’t accept you. But if you perform the way I think you should, then I will like and accept you.” And no matter how long the husband’s list may be, it says in like manner to his wife, “I don’t like you either. But if you stop caring about things so much, if you stop feeling the way you feel and noticing the things you notice, then I will accept and like you.