98 Quotes by Jenny Eclair

I think my siblings sometimes have to defend me within their social circles – they are both barristers.

My older sister is bossy, my brother is a stirrer and me – well, I am perfect!

A good fart joke makes me bawl with laughter, so will somebody farting. And the word ‘poo.’ You can’t beat a good poo joke.

I have a fear of poverty in old age. I have this vision of myself living in a skip and eating cat food. It’s because I’m freelance, and I’ve never had a proper job. I don’t have a pension, and my savings are dwindling. I always thought someone would just come along and look after me.

The only way to go on holiday is with your expectations at ground level. Convince yourself before you go that the weather’s going to be dreadful and there will be nylon sheets. You’ll then be pleasantly surprised.

I’m very jealous of my daughter’s education. She’s been inspired by her teachers, and nobody inspired me as a teenager.

What has happened to the good old-fashioned travel agent? I want to go to a really posh travel agent and have them organize everything for me. I don’t want to do things on the Internet.

I prefer highs and lows to an even keel. Moderation is never something I’ve been good at.

Well, I really don’t like heights. I don’t get on the top deck of a double-decker because that’s a bit high for me. I always feel that I’m going to hurl myself off, so heights are a problem.