188 Quotes by Jerry Lewis

This is the pain pacemaker. I've got a battery under my skin. From that battery are two electrodes that go into the spine where they cut bone away to accommodate it. Now I put on the power here. If I have the pain, the stimulator starts. It's tingling, like when your foot falls asleep, you know?

I have a loyalty that runs in my bloodstream, when I lock into someone or something, you can't get me away from it because I commit that thoroughly. That's in friendship, that's a deal, that's a commitment. Don't give me paper - I can get the same lawyer who drew it up to break it. But if you shake my hand, that's for life.

Every man's dream is to be able to sink into the arms of a woman without also falling into her hands.

I have some very personal feelings about politics, but I don't get into it because I do comedy already.

Pity? You don't want to be pitied because you're a cripple in a wheelchair? Stay in your house!

If I found the cure for dystrophy tomorrow, I would do a telethon in four weeks for acute pain that in this country is a bigger problem than cancer, heart, sickle cell, anemia, name it. It is - it's hitting 70 million Americans.

I don't want to be remembered. I want the nice words when I can hear them.

We're leaving the House to people who either were born with a silver spoon in their mouth ... or couldn't get better jobs in the first place.

Gambling is part of the human condition. I love it. I have the best time gambling. I've been winning fortunes, and I've been losing them.