504 Quotes by Jerry Seinfeld

We've fallen into a trap of ever-widening orbits of contact, and there is a total disregard for the present moment.

You can tell what was the best year of your father's life, because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out.

I have a nice bookshelf in my office, but not my house. I'm crass, but not that crass.

I love being a dad. I just love it.

I do not know why anyone would host an awards show. No matter how unbelievably well you do at it, the only thing that can happen is you get asked again to host an awards show.

Isn't it weird that we drink milk, stuff designed to nourish baby cows? How did THAT happen? Did some cattleman once say, "Oh, man, I can't wait till them calves are done so I can get ME a hit of that stuff."

Elaine: Ugh, I hate people. Jerry: Yeah, they're the worst.

I do probably 60 concerts a year in the States. And I go out to clubs in the week. I'm doing new stuff all the time.

Why would anybody want a friend?