504 Quotes by Jerry Seinfeld

Sex, that’s meaningless, I can understand that, but dinner; that’s heavy. That’s like an hour.

We sold 'Seinfeld' all over the world but it was a very specific kind of show. In some countries it went down really well, in others they hated it.

Of course, everyone wants to be healthy. The amusing thing is no one's really sure how to do it.

Did you know that the original title for War and Peace was War, What Is It Good For?

Why is it when you turn on the TV you see ads for telephone companies, and when you turn on the radio you hear ads for TV shows, and when you get put on hold on the phone you hear a radio station?

Stand-up is hard. Or to keep it at a certain level is hard: I have no writers but me.

Well, Howard Stern has been doing his impression of me for years. It doesn't really bother me.

I didn't know every day I would be discussing the tone of my voice with my wife. I thought it was a marriage. Apparently, it's a musical.

If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don't you ever see anyone take one to the beach?