504 Quotes by Jerry Seinfeld

It takes up enough of my time and interest just working on comedy. I just enjoy it and love doing it.

What's with this weird hotel custom of leaving a piece of chocolate on the pillow? I awoke thinking my brain had hemorrhaged some sort of fecal matter.

Work is the least important thing and family is the most important.

A lot of stuff I do out of pure obsessiveness.

Your blessing in life is when you find the torture you're comfortable with.

I like money, but it's never been about the money.

Men want to make women happy.

Everybody in New York City knows there's way more cars than parking spaces. You see cars driving in New York all hours of the night. Its like musical chairs except everybody sat down around 1964.

Why does McDonald's have to count every burger that they sell? What is their ultimate goal? Do they want cows to surrender voluntarily?