504 Quotes by Jerry Seinfeld

I feel like humor is the answer to everything. If you have a little bit of humor in the shaker and you can sprinkle that on, that's your answer.

Golf is the ultimate avoidance activity for the dysfunctional dad. A game so nonsensically difficult, so pointless, so irrationally time consuming, the word golf itself can only stand for ‘Get Out, Leave Family.’

I had 10,000 things that I like doing on the show itself, and certainly among them was telling George he had a problem, especially one he wasn't aware of.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

The Olympics is my favourite sporting event. Although I have a problem with that silver medal. When you think about it, you win the gold - you feel good, you win the bronze - you think, 'Well at least I got something'. But when you win silver, it's like, 'Congratulations, you 'almost' won. Of all the losers, you came in first of that group. You're the number one 'loser.' No one lost ahead of you.

Success is the enemy of comedy.

I've been car crazy my whole life, since I was nine years old. It's just something I'm very aware of.

If professional wrestling did not exist, could you come up with this idea? Could you envision the popularity of huge men in tiny bathing suits, pretending to fight?

I can't go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers?