504 Quotes by Jerry Seinfeld

Your blessing in life is when you find the torture you’re comfortable with.

I’ve compiled a book from the Internet. It’s a book of quotations attributed to the wrong people.

My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that’s the law.

On the side of box of my superman costume it actually said – ‘Do not attempt to fly!’

I can walk through a hotel lobby and watch people at the desk and see what they’re doing. People don’t look at me. They don’t even know I’m there.

To me, if life boils down to one thing, it’s movement. To live is to keep moving.

So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen, you see an eclair in the receptacle, and you think to yourself, ‘What the hell, I’ll just eat some trash.’

My wife is funny. And I dabble in it. So being funny is big around our house. But what’s surprised me is my daughter can do an English accent. I don’t know how she learned this.

I feel like humor is the answer to everything. If you have a little bit of humor in the shaker and you can sprinkle that on, that’s your answer.