504 Quotes by Jerry Seinfeld

If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success?

You have to motivate yourself with challenges. That’s how you know you’re still alive.

If someone’s lying, are their pants really on fire.

You know you’re getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It’s like, ‘See if you can blow this out.’

Writer’s block is a phony, made up, BS excuse for not doing your work.

Let’s face it: a date is a job-interview, that lasts all night. The only difference between a date and a job interview is: not many job-interviews is there a chance you’ll end up naked at the end of it.

Ask not what I can do for you. Ask what you can do for me.

It’s hard to do nothing because you tend to do something and then you have to drop everything.

Being a good husband is like being a good stand-up comic – you need ten years before you can even call yourself a beginner.