504 Quotes by Jerry Seinfeld

That’s why breakups take two or three times- to build up immunity.

I am freaking out! I am freaking out.

I hate the waiting room. Because it’s called the waiting room, there’s no chance of not waiting. It’s built, designed, and intended for waiting. Why would they take you right away when they’ve got this room all set up?

I mean, she’s giving and caring and genuinely concerned about the welfare of others. I can’t be with someone like that.

Well, Howard Stern has been doing his impression of me for years. It doesn’t really bother me.

There’s no way that moving in with your parents is a sign that your life is on track.

I can’t go to a bad movie by myself. What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers?

Being funny is one of the ultimate weapons a person can have in human society.

That’s the most comfortable place for me. In the beginning, yes, I was nervous going on stage. I was not a natural performer. I really had to acquire that skill.