504 Quotes by Jerry Seinfeld

What the hell, I’ll just eat some trash.

Let’s examine the dog mind: Every time you come home, he thinks it’s amazing. He can’t believe that you’ve accomplished this again. You walk in the door. The joy of it almost kills him. “He’s back again! It’s that guy! It’s that guy!”

I didn’t know every day I would be discussing the tone of my voice with my wife. I thought it was a marriage. Apparently, it’s a musical.

Pay attention, don’t let life go by you. Fall in love with the back of your cereal box.

People don’t just bump into each other and have sex. This isn’t Cinemax.

If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don’t you ever see anyone take one to the beach?

The IRS! They’re like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

I don’t wanna be a Pirate!!!!

What’s the deal with Ovaltine? It comes in a round container, you put it in a round glass, why don’t they call it Roundtine?