504 Quotes by Jerry Seinfeld

I like staying in hotels. I like their tiny soap. I like to pretend it’s regular-sized and my muscles are huge.

When you interrupt, you’ve stopped listening. People need to be heard.

There’s no downside to fame and people who whine about it make me sick. It’s the greatest thing in the world.

The worst thing about television is that everybody you see on television is doing something better than what you’re doing. You never see anybody on TV just sliding off the front of the sofa, with potato chip crumbs all over their shirt.

Why does McDonald’s have to count every burger that they sell? What is their ultimate goal? Do they want cows to surrender voluntarily?

I always did well on the essay questions. Just put everything you know on there, maybe you’ll hit it.

I’m old, I’m rich and I’m tired.

I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything – which as you know, always leads to something – cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything.

There’s nothing more fun than entertaining kids.