1,269 Quotes by Jim Butcher

I need a favor.”I snorted. “What favor? You do remember that technically, we’re at war, right? Wizards versus vampires? Ring any bells?”“If you like, you can pretend that I’m employing subversive tactics as part of a fiendishly elaborate ruse meant to manipulate you,” Thomas said.“Good,” I said. “Cause if I went through all the trouble of starting a war and you didn’t want to participate, it would hurt my feelings .

Vanity, thy name is vampire.

I'm brilliant as well as skilled," he said modestly. "It's a great burden, all of that on top of my angelic good looks. But I try to soldier on as best I can.

Now I feel like James Bond. Suave and intelligent, breaking all the codes while looking fabulous.

This is Waldo Butters, and his geek penis is longer and harder than any of ours put together.

If you turn into a hideous monster and I am sent to slay you, I will remember this and make it as painless as I can, out of respect for you.

She studied my face for a long minute. "Are you going to help my mom?" It was a simple question. But how do you tell a child that things just aren't that simple, that some questions don't have simple answers--or any answer at all?

You're dead, son. Cheer is contraindicated.

I had a vague memory of being that ridiculous at one time. Let he who hath never worn parachute pants cast the first stone.