149 Quotes by Jimmy Carr

A big girl once came up to me after a show and said “I think you’re fatist.” I said “No, no. I think you’re fattest.”

I have no problems with buying tampons. I am a fairly modern man. But apparently they’re not a “proper” present. “Happy birthday, mum!”

I didn’t plan to be the rude middle-class comedian. You write a certain type of joke that you find funny, and mine happen to be often rude. Yes, it’s juvenile, but that’s me.

I am trying to release endorphins here. I am not preaching to you – I am trying to make you laugh.

There’s things that I couldn’t joke about but other people could.

I worry about my nan. If she’s alone and falls, does she make a noise? I’m joking, she’s dead.

I had a survey done on my house. 8 out of 10 people said they really rather liked it.

I’ve got a friend whose nickname is “Shagger”. You might think that’s pretty cool. She doesn’t like it.

Staying in luxury hotels still gives me a kick, especially Oulton Hall in Yorkshire. I’d stay in a hotel for the breakfast and room service.