149 Quotes by Jimmy Carr

When I travel, I get lovesick. Well, they call it chlamydia.

Like most of the world's population I'm into coffee, but in a properly big and important way. My perfect weekend would start with a pint of coffee.

Who doesn't wear M&S underwear? They've been 'supporting' me for years and now I'm glad I've got a suit to wear as well. Marks & Spencer is a great British institution and I am very happy to be associated with it.

We need to create a niche different from the NCAA. The NAIA is about students first, about their education.

fans have been writing in asking why the show hasn't made a return. Bosses felt it was the right time.

They say the people most affected by the credit crunch are pensioners - well, let go of the handbag then, Nanna.

I like to write a joke without any fat on it. The shorter the better. I cater for people with ADD, basically.

Let's face it, the gene pool needs a little chlorine.

I've got a friend whose nickname is "Shagger". You might think that's pretty cool. She doesn't like it.