661 Quotes by Jimmy Fallon

President Obama spent Election Day away from any press coverage, attending closed-door meetings inside the White House. But on the bright side, it is nice to see some doors actually closed at the White House. It’s a whole new Secret Service security thing.

I feel like I’m being too Zen. I’m inhaling too much patchouli and incense. It’s embarrassing.

Fifteen states across the country have gas prices that have dipped below $2. That means it’s now cheaper to buy a gallon of liquefied dinosaurs than one cup of coffee at Starbucks.

Another scandal for Hillary Clinton – they’re saying she used a private email address when she was secretary of state, which means the government couldn’t archive and preserve her emails. Then Obama said, ‘Don’t worry, we saw them. We see everyone’s emails.’

Joe Biden went to Brazil in an effort to try and repair America’s relationship with their government. Biden said, ‘It’s great to be here in the Amazon. I’ve always wanted to see where all the books come from.’

In an interview last night, Rick Perry criticized Mitt Romney for flip-flopping on the issues. Romney said that Perry has no idea what he’s talking about. Then he added, ‘But he does know what he’s talking about.’

Hillary Clinton is receiving criticism after telling a crowd to ‘unlock their full potential,’ because that line is commonly used by another possible candidate, Carly Fiorina. People said, ‘You can’t just steal someone’s slogan like that!’ And Hillary said, ‘Yes we can!’

Joe Biden will speak to the nation’s largest gay rights group during a human rights convention on Friday. Then on Saturday, he is scheduled to speak to them again to apologize for whatever he said in Friday’s speech.

There are reports that if Joe Biden runs for president, he would promise to serve for only one term – because nothing says confidence like promising your presidency would be over quickly.