661 Quotes by Jimmy Fallon

Thank you leaf blowers, for making me look like the world's lamest Ghostbuster. I ain't afraid of no leaves.

We picked the Red Sox because they lose. If you root for something that loses for 86 years, you're a pretty good fan. You don't have to win everything to be a fan of something.

Ben: You're gonna get arrested. Lindsey Meeks: You can't sell your tickets! Ben: That's why you ran across the whole field?... Wait, you've got to tell me - was it spongy?

Troy: Why do we inflict this on ourselves? Ben: Why? I'll tell you why, 'cause the Red Sox never let you down. Troy: Huh? Ben: That's right. I mean - why? Because they haven't won a World Series in a century or so? So what? They're here. Every April, they're here. At 1:05 or at 7:05, there is a game. And if it gets rained out, guess what? They make it up to you. Does anyone else in your life do that? The Red Sox don't get divorced. This is a real family. This is the family that's here for you.

Thank you adult mittens, for allowing me to give people the finger without them knowing it.

Thank you, people who say 'Wow, you're really photogenic,' for not saying what you really mean: 'Wow, you're really ugly in person.'

Don't keep reaching for the stars because you'll just look like an idiot stretching that way for no reason.

Arizona just became the 15th state to approve medical marijuana. So I give it three days before they stop caring about the whole immigration thing.

Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders is expected to announce tomorrow that he is running for president, making him Hillary Clinton's only Democratic challenger so far. Or as Hillary put it, 'Oooo, appetizers!'