661 Quotes by Jimmy Fallon

Donald Trump told ABC news that if he had Oprah as a running mate, they could easily win. Although you know who’d definitely win? Oprah WITHOUT Donald Trump.

While he was in Utah, Obama discussed immigration reform with leaders of the Mormon Church. Obama introduced the first lady. Then the church’s president introduced HIS first lady. And his second lady. And his third, fourth, and fifth ladies.

I remember people saying to us, “You’re too nice. Hollywood is going to eat you up and spit you out.” I never listened to them.

I’m on so late I’m definitely the last seconds of anyone’s attention. So I just want to give them something dumb to laugh at, so they go, ‘That’s funny,’ then fall asleep.

I read that as marijuana legalization becomes more popular, it could affect the jobs of drug-sniffing dogs. Or as those dogs put it, ‘Thanks, Bo Obama.’

Democratic Senator Harry Reid is expected to make a full recovery after he was exercising with a resistance band that snapped, causing him to fall. The good news is he’s fine. The bad news is there’s no video of it.

Arnold Schwarzenegger’s publicist told USA Today that the actor has not ruled out running for governor of California, saying that he will make a decision soon. Reportedly Arnold needs that time to learn how to pronounce ‘gubernatorial.’

NASA is developing space taxis to shuttle astronauts to the International Space Station. And just like New York taxis, they’re all going to be driven by aliens.

This week Bill Clinton tweeted a photo of himself reading George W. Bush’s new book ‘41.’ Then George W. Bush responded to that post on Instagram. Then John McCain said ‘You two are hilarious’ by telegraph.