661 Quotes by Jimmy Fallon

According to a new poll, Republicans are more likely to have a doughnut for breakfast, while Democrats prefer to eat bagels and croissants. While Independents are that annoying friend who’s still looking at the menu after 15 minutes.

Congrats to Prince William and Kate Middleton, who welcomed a baby girl on Saturday. The royal baby weighed eight pounds – or around 12 American dollars.

Oh here’s an idea: let’s make pictures of our internal organs and give them to other people we love on Valentine’s Day. That’s not weird at all.

I didn’t think it was going to be this fun. But everything just gets heightened when you have a baby. The volume gets turned up on life. I never knew I could be this happy, and that’s the truth.

A new study found that a mother’s diet affects her baby’s allergies. Which can only mean one thing: My mom ate cats.

After a six-year battle, the Senate will vote next week to begin construction on the Keystone XL pipeline, which is an oil pipeline that runs from Canada to the Gulf Coast. They’re hoping the pipeline will provide enough oil to cover Kim Kardashian’s next photo shoot.

Republicans in Congress are getting concerned that President Obama will try to use the final year of his term to push through too many controversial laws. Obama would’ve responded but he was busy drafting his new ‘mandatory Mexican gay weed’ bill.

After Michael Jordan recently criticized President Obama’s golf game, Obama responded by saying that Jordan should spend more time thinking about his basketball team, the Charlotte Hornets. Then Jordan said, ‘Do you really want to talk about whose team got crushed this week?’

Christine O’Donnell released a commercial in which she says, ‘I’m not a witch.’ That’s pretty good, though not as effective as her opponent’s slogan, ‘I’m not Christine O’Donnell.’