661 Quotes by Jimmy Fallon

Trump is running for president and he’s wasting no time getting down to business. In fact, just after his announcement he demanded to see Jeb Bush’s birth certificate.

This morning my dad called me up and said, ‘So, tonight’s your last show, huh.’ And I said, ‘No, Dad, that’s someone else.’

During a speech on Sunday, President Obama said to the crowd, ‘We’ve got to vote. Vote. Vote. Vote. Vote. Vote.’ This went on for an hour until someone finally fixed his teleprompter.

Anything I learned was just work hard, just keep working and don’t worry about the outside stuff. Whatever happens will happen.

I don’t shoot guns. I don’t know how to do that. I grew Upstate New York, so I fought with my fists.

Over on the Democratic side, Martin O’Malley recently spoke about the need for Wall Street reform and said that he isn’t running for president to be quote, ‘wined and dined’ by executives. Then Chris Christie said, ‘And I am also not running to be wined.’

We have first lady Michelle Obama on the show tonight. As you’d expect, security’s been pretty tight. On my way in I got five pat-downs, and that was just from Joe Biden.

During a recent event at a restaurant called Tommy’s Country Ham House in South Carolina, presidential candidate Ben Carson delivered a speech right after he lost his front tooth. Which still left him with more teeth than everyone combined at Tommy’s Country Ham House.

Apple is apparently building a large solar energy farm in North Carolina. And if there’s any justice, the minute they’re done building it, God will introduce a newer, smaller sun that’s not compatible with their machinery.