64 Quotes by Jimmy Kimmel

Adam doesn't need a partner, ... The guy is just funny. He has a strong opinion on almost every topic. You can ask him about Sea-Monkeys or shoelaces and he has a strong opinion. And when he gets going, you're just a bystander.

That's my main flaw: I always think authority figures or my boss is going to think something I do is funny. And usually they don't.

You would get your a*s kicked... I would have to take off my shoe and beat you down, brother!

There's an air of mystery around the Masons, but the reality is that they're mostly a bunch of veterans getting drunk in a lodge that they've built to look like a temple. It's just a bunch of guys trying to get away from their wives.

ABC is on a roll. It seemed inevitable that they'd do something like this to screw it up.

It's funny how all of this has worked out - I wasn't popular in high school, but now every drunken guy in the United States wants to be my pal. They all want to buy me a shot, and pretty soon I'm throwing up.

Don't be fooled by the dumb blonde routine. This woman is as smart as a rock.

No matter who it is, I hate to see people losing their jobs. I really do.

I'm feeling fine. I have my medication, and my energy's good. I only get unusual ailments.