64 Quotes by Jimmy Kimmel

I know people who have literally quit their jobs to spend more time with their children, and I go, 'Wow,' my dad used to go to work at 7 o'clock in the morning and he'd come back at 7:30 and we'd kind of see him walk in and then he'd go upstairs and suddenly he'd be in a T-shirt and grumpy. There wasn't much in the way of conversation that went on.

Almost half our representatives in Washington apparently know more about science than our scientists. Or they pretend to, because big corporations give them a lot of money to make sure they can keep doing the destructive things that they do.

I'm a terrible golfer.

I only get unusual ailments.

My aunt and uncle are clearly civilians.

I never imagined being on television.

Sometimes I'll feel like an interview was fine or whatever, and people go, 'Oh, boy, I saw you with so and so last night; that must have been tough.' And then I'm like, 'I guess it was bad. I need to look back at that.'

There is no way, if I was running ABC, I would have kept me on the air.

I don't eat two days a week. And people are fascinated by it, but it works. If you cut two days of food out of your life you will lose weight.