117 Quotes by Joan Bauer

What kind of kids live in Mulhoney, Wisconsin? Would they like me? Would I like them? Have they ever eaten sushi? That's usually how I determine food sophistication. Maybe a personal ad would get the ball rolling:Insightful, hardworking, 16-year-old girl, emotionally generous and witty, seeks friend/pal/chum to while away meaningful hours. Picky eaters need not reply.

Life and death played out before my very eyes. You don't see these things if you clean your room regularly.

If she's really psychic," Zack said when he saw Tanisha's photo at school, "why does she need a doorbell?

Woe unto you when all men speak well of you.

You think all teenagers care about are musicians and movie stars?Spend some time in Wisconsin.We'll blow your socks off.

It's like getting an extraordinary meal after you've been eating junk food for a long time. The taste just sweeps through your sensibilities, bringing all-out contentment, and the sheer goodness of it makes up for every bad meal you ever had.

a man who was, as we say in the restaurant business, one taco short of a combo platter.

On cheap tippers:"Don't take it personally; they were deprived somehow as children.On low-fat entrees: "They sell well enough, but nobody's too happy after the meal.

You don't mince words.""Just garlic.