619 Quotes by Joan Rivers

Listen. I wish I could tell you it gets better. But, it doesn't get better. You get better.

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.

I hate everyone, starting with myself. (Title of her autobiography.

I have never learned how to tell somebody something good about myself; that should be a secret they must find out .

Laughing made me feel safe. I was not going to be enveloped by the seediness that coated this world like dust.

The act of creation fascinates me. You can only sit with blank page and wait. You cannot press a button, cannot program it.

Everything comes out of smoke and mist and nothingness, a mystical happening…

I had a blind date with a dentist — and he told me to come back in six months.

Maybe that is why in my comedy I try and puncture the hypocrisy all around us, why it is almost a crusade with me to strip life down to what really is true.