619 Quotes by Joan Rivers

Comedy is a very rough beat. It's no holds barred, as it should be.

That girl had a great way of making friends, and strangers, and anyone else who was around.

I have no sex appeal; if my husband didn't toss and turn, we'd never have had the kid.

We all started on his show, ... Every solid comedian today really got their break on the Carson show.

I don't mind aging, I just don't want to be a day older.

I made so many jokes about poor Russell Crowe, he once knocked on my dressing room door, and told me he wanted to go out on this chat show we were on to laugh with me. Now he's ruined it. I can't make another joke about him.

There's always an adjective before my name, and it's never a nice one.

I don't think I'm good in bed. My husband never said anything, but after we made love he'd take a piece of chalk and outline my body.

What a pathetic turn, ... Somebody ought to take that dress away from her. It's got Ronald McDonald's name on it.