619 Quotes by Joan Rivers

My mother loved entertaining, and I've followed suit, so we have big celebrations for New Year, Passover, Thanksgiving and birthdays.

Is she fat? Her favorite food is seconds

The only street I like is Rue Honore de Balzac, because 'Balzac' sound so gay, and I love my gays. I might like Parisians more if they named their streets only for gay icons, like Rue Liza Minnelli or Rue Bette Midler or, my favorite, Rue McClanahan.

I love Israel for its blue and white flag as it matches my legs.

Of course we are going to have to mention Brad and Angelina and ... Tom Cruise and the ever-loving Katie and that horrible Jessica Simpson or whatever her name is.

The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.

Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I believe when a woman enters a room, men should stand up - and gay men should stand up at least halfway.

I am definitely going to watch the Emmys this year! My makeup team is nominated for “Best Special Effects.”

I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.