619 Quotes by Joan Rivers

I’m so fat and I’m so depressed; last night I tried to hang myself – but the rope broke.

I adore my apartment in New York. It was a ballroom that I remade, so it’s like a loft but done by Louis the Fifteenth.

Humor doesn’t come out of the good times, it comes out of the anger, pain and sorrow. Always the anger.

She’s so hairy – when she lifted up her arm I thought it was Tina Turner in her armpit.

I wear the midi because I feel if you’re going to look ugly, you may as well look this year’s ugly.

I’m tired of dealing with crazies. When did it become my job to manage your mental illness?

I have no sex appeal; if my husband didn’t toss and turn, we’d never have had the kid.

I saw what’s going on under my chin. I don’t want to be the one the President has to pardon on Thanksgiving.

I can’t wear yellow anymore. It’s too matchy-matchy with my catheter.