619 Quotes by Joan Rivers

There is nothing funny about aging: It is rotten and depressing. Anyone who tells you otherwise just hasn’t been paying attention.

I was so flat I used to put Xs on my chest and write: “You are here”. I wore angora sweaters just so the guys would have something to pet.

I once dated a guy so dumb he could not count to 21 unless he was naked.

If you’re not a wreck in this business, you’re not around.

The people voting for the Oscars are so old. I haven’t seen one Academy Award voter with a tampon in her purse.

No more Botox for me. Betty White’s bowels move more than my face.

The fashion magazines are suggesting that women wear clothes that are ‘age appropriate.’ For me that would be a shroud.

A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don’t want to go through menopause again.

I now consider it a good day when I don’t step on my boobs.