619 Quotes by Joan Rivers

The only street I like is Rue Honore de Balzac, because ‘Balzac’ sound so gay, and I love my gays. I might like Parisians more if they named their streets only for gay icons, like Rue Liza Minnelli or Rue Bette Midler or, my favorite, Rue McClanahan.

It’s so long since I’ve had sex I’ve forgotten who ties up who.

I think I’m in a business where you have to look good, and it’s totally youth-oriented.

Age – it’s the one mountain you can’t overcome.

I think anyone who’s perfectly happy isn’t particularly funny. And when you’re very, very happy, you’re not very funny. You’re just happy. I’d rather be damaged and funny.

Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything, otherwise we’re going down the tube.

Mel Gibson’s father doesn’t think there was a Holocaust? Great. I don’t think there’s a movie. We’re even.

A female salmon lays three thousand eggs a year – and has yet to receive a Mother’s Day card from one of them.

I think it’s time they knew the truth about Beethoven.