619 Quotes by Joan Rivers

Travel is the excitement of life! Everything is an adventure, and if you look at it like that, even at the worst moment you can say: ‘We will laugh tomorrow about this.’ And you do.

You know you’re getting old when you buy a sexy sheer nightgown and don’t know anyone who can see through it.

I’m a double bagger. Not only does my husband put a bag over my face when we’re making love, but he also puts a bag over his head in case mine falls off.

I could never be in a cult. For starters, they never accessorize properly. David Koresh had no fashion sense, Jim Jones wore leisure suits, and I don’t care how charismatic Osama bin Laden was, an AK-47 and an insulin drip do not take the place of drop earrings or a well-placed brooch.

I find that kind of “look at me” narcissism terribly inconsiderate. If you need attention that badly, set yourself on fire.

Everyone takes fashion so seriously! It’s fashion – enjoy it!

My parents hated me. All I ever heard was, “Why can’t you be like your cousin Shelia? Why can’t you be like your cousin Shelia?” Shelia had died at birth.

If two people want to get married, get married! The Victorians had a great saying: As long as it doesn’t scare the horses, do what you want. And I absolutely believe that.

The Palestinians cannot throw rockets and expect people not to defend themselves.