218 Quotes by John Oliver

The German language is so sonorous, isn't it? Beautiful language...the language of poetry. Angry, angry poetry.

It is going to be too easy for things to start feeling normal—especially if you are someone who is not directly impacted by his actions. So keep reminding yourself:This is not normal.Write it on a Post-It note and stick it on your refrigerator, hire a skywriter once a month, tattoo it on your ass.Because a Klan-backed misogynist internet troll is going to be delivering the next State of the Union address.And that is not normal.It is fucked up.

Believe it or not the war on Iraq is based on a sound scientific principle, The bee hive principle. Which clearly states that if you are stung by a bee, you should follow it back to its nest and then proceed to beat nest to a pulp with a baseball bat until the stripey little turd has learned its lesson.

Drumpf is like a Magic 8-Ball. Every time you shake him, he gives you a different answer.

Democracy is like a tamborine - not everyone can be trusted with it.

While skepticism is healthy, cynicism, real cynicism, is toxic.

I'm British, so obviously I repress any powerful emotions of any kind in relation to anything.

I can't relax. I find vacations problematic.

I've made so many people angry that they kind of blur into one unpleasant memory of people staring at you with somewhere between passive aggression and active aggression.