226 Quotes by Johnny Carson

Ronald Reagan just signed the new tax law. But I think he was in Hollywood too long. He signed it, ‘Best wishes, Ronald Reagan.’

I have no use for eight houses, 88 cars and 500 suits. I can’t eat but one steak at a time. I don’t want but one woman. It’s silly to have as one’s sole object in life just making money, accumulating wealth.

Like their parents, kids flock to see James Bond and Derek Flint movies – outrageously antiheroic heroes who break all the taboos, making attractive the very things the kids are told they shouldn’t do themselves.

Money gives me just one big thing that’s really important, and that’s the freedom of not having to worry about money.

He’s so fat, he can be his own running mate.

Happiness is seeing your son drafted the same day he’s been accepted to an expensive college.

As long as I don’t commit any crimes, you have no right to judge me except by my performance as a professional. On that level, you’re welcome to think whatever you want about me.

Believe me, you don’t walk away from the kind of money you make with a daily television show. You might get awful tired of it sometimes, but take a second look at the check and you get less tired right away.

Find me any performer anywhere who isn’t egocentric. You’d better believe you’re good, or you’ve got no business being out there.