226 Quotes by Johnny Carson

Egyptian President Sadat had a belly dancer entertain President Nixon at a state dinner. Mr. Nixon was really impressed. He hadn’t seen contortions like that since Rose Mary Woods.

You become successful, the way I see it, only if you’re good enough to deliver what the public enjoys. If you’re not, you won’t have any audience; so the performer really has more to do with his success than the public does.

In Hollywood if you don’t have a shrink, people think you’re crazy.

How much of the national news that you report to the public each night consists of information you’ve actually gone out and dug up on your own?

Whatever you do, you’re going to be criticized.

I wouldn’t have the slightest interest in running for public office. I’d rather make jokes about politicians than become one of them.

If God didn’t want man to hunt, He wouldn’t have given us plaid shirts.

I get sick of that old rationalization, “We’re staying together because of the children.” Kids couldn’t be more miserable living with parents who can’t stand each other. They’re far better off if there’s an honest, clean divorce.

People thought I was funny, so I kind of took entertaining for granted... it was inevitable that I'd start giving little performances.