226 Quotes by Johnny Carson

I play my life straight - the way I see it. I'm grateful to audiences for watching me and for enjoying what I do - but I'm not one of those who believe that a successful entertainer is made by the public, as is so often said.

Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead.

I'm an entertainer; I try to give the public what it wants while I'm on the screen, and I'm completely sincere about it. If I don't happen to be a laughing boy off the screen, that doesn't make me a hypocrite or a phony.

We resort, frankly, to pies, which is a comedy staple that's gone back, I guess, to since the first pie was ever baked.

When the public starts classifying you as thoughtful, someone given to serious issues, you find yourself declassified as a humorist.

I feel the one sensible thing you can do is try to live in a way that pleases you. If you don't hurt anybody else, what you do is your own business.

When turkeys mate they think of swans.

Who cares what entertainers on the air think about international affairs? Who would want to hear me about Vietnam? They can hear all they want from people with reason to be respected as knowledgeable.

Adults ask questions as a child does. When you stop wondering, you might as well put your rocker on the front porch and call it a day.